Gallery of the Absurd

Popular US Tabloid Makes Debut in The UK

Celebrities, drugs and booze is a winning combination. When the glossy new tabloid Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol launched a few months ago, newsstands couldn't keep them in stock and subscription rates went through the roof. The success of Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol is no-brainer because there's never an end to the gushing wellspring of material. The magazine is such a huge success that a UK version has been launched for our friends across the pond. Get the latest dish on Kimberly Stewart's lusty groping of boozy Jude Law's knickers. What caused a full-scale health panic across London? Learn how Lily Allen spends quality time with her dad, and find out what gave Kelly Osbourne such unsteady trotters ...all in sensational vivid detail!

The UK version of Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol includes a delightful British humor-infused advice column written by Pete Doherty's cat. As you might remember, Pete was photographed giving his cat a few puffs off his filthy crack pipe. Thankfully the troubled feline has recovered and turned his life around. He now works as a lifestyle guru and devotes himself to helping other troubled citizens. Medium: Photoshop composite. Done in collaboration with Candy Kirby. Dear Dinger column written by Candy Kirby.<

Celebrities Who Publicly Declare Themselves Icons: Tori Spelling Edition

I always get a kick out celebrities who publicly declare themselves "icons". Tori Spelling recently informed the public that gay men can't get enough of her and that she's a bonafide "gay icon". Silly me, I thought in order to be considered an icon, people other than yourself were the ones to bestow that sort honor upon you. I asked a few of my gay friends if Tori was their icon. "We like our icons to have talent," sniffed my friend Brad, "so that would be a no." Meow.

Still, it's always amusing (in a pathetic way) to watch any variety of attention-starved actors get up on their soap boxes and blather about themselves so to attract a few crumbs of media attention. Tory took it a step further and also declared herself a MILF. Her shamelessness is impressive, I must say. My hope is that in her next ploy for attention, she'll pull a Paris Hilton and anoint herself the title of American Royalty. I would love an excuse to paint Tori as a Queen. Medium: photoshop composite.

Rachel Bilson Walks In Paris Hilton's Shoes

I've not seen any celebrities (other than a certain heiress) wearing shoes from the Paris Hilton Shoe Collection...until now. Following the herd embracing the latest Hollywood trend of wearing bizarre, and unflattering shoes, Rachel Bilson steps out in shoes that make her feet look alarmingly similar to Paris Hilton's.

Thanks Krista

Scandal Erupts After Actor Poses Topless On Cover of Glossy Magazine

Jeff Polage has issued an apology to his fans for his racy photos in Insanity Fair magazine. "I was like, forced by Annie Leibovitz to pose this skanky way and now I am like, so embarrassed. She like, assured me that my back hair wouldn't show up in the photo, but you can totally see it," said the unemployed actor. "My career is over thanks to Annie and her manipulative web of lies and deceit!"

Donald Trump's Sign of the Apocalypse

While in Las Vegas last month, I snapped this photo of the Trump International Hotel and Tower sign. After downloading to my computer, I was shocked and amazed that Donald Trump pulled a Virgin Mary and mysteriously appeared inside his own sign! Take a look inside the U and you'll see not one, but two miraculous images of Trump's profile and hair.

The Virgin Mary isn't picky about where her apparitions appear. A grilled cheese sandwich, a tortilla, a Chicago underpass, or even the belly of a turtle are all perfectly acceptable materials. Trump, on the other hand, refuses to appear anywhere else but inside the giant gleaming lights of his own name.

Here are some other photos from my trip:

I thought the function of a billboard was to lure in business, but this one seems to designed to cause cold-blooded fear and apprehension.

I'm fascinated by reflected shapes.

Glitter Portal.

T is for temptation.

Clothing of class and distinction can be found in various trinket huts lining the Las Vegas Strip.

Gossip Trading Cards: Deranged Lunatic

Whenever Gary Busey shows up to an event or agrees to an interview, you can expect an erratic tempest of nonsensical utterances, unsettling glares, unpredictable outbursts followed by bear hugs and then more unpredictable outbursts, and best of all, the spewing forth of didactic gibberish through a mouthful of clattering teeth. How can you not love (from a distance, of course) the crazy that is Gary Busey? I've decided to get back to work on my Gossip Trading Cards series, a collection of trading cards based on the diverse archetypes found in the world of celebrity gossip. I've already completed cards for Lindsay Lohan and Papa Joe Simpson, and many more are to come. Medium: Colored pencil and ink scrawled in sketchbook while riding in car hurtling down I-5 toward Los Angeles.

The back of the card includes one of my favorite Gary quotes. Find more of his wisdom here.

What I've Been Working On The Past Few Days

Sometimes when I need a break from the pop culture-inspired illustrations I regularly post here, I'll take a day or two and paint something completely different. It's different because I let go (letting go is challenging for me) of control and all expectations of what the painting should look like and allow it to emerge on its own. If that makes sense. I throw paint at it, close my eyes and draw on it, smear it, dance and drink wine in front of it, rotate it all around so the direction is constantly changing and at some point in the process, I stop. These three scans are from the same painting. Title: Rescue. Medium: Enamel, acrylic, charcoal on paper.

Jeff Polage Squats Like Rose McGowan

When I saw the photo of Rose McGowan squatting on the sidewalk to pick up her goofy-looking dog, I felt a kinship. I've been there. Like Rose, I have a bug-eyed boston terrier...and like Rose, I've often found myself in regrettable positions while walking my dog on the city sidewalks. All I can say is thank goodness the paparazzi doesn't follow me around. I asked Jeff Polage to throw on a wig and stuff his feet into a pair of pink high heels while picking up my dog, Abigail. Poor Jeff couldn't quite squat as impressively as the lovely Rose was photographed doing, but then he's not used to wearing high heels either.

The Joker - A Catalyst for Change

While my favorite playing card is the Five of Hearts, I also have a special fondness for the Joker. While he's most often depicted as a court jester or fool, my interpretation is focused more on the mythological Trickster archetype. Tricksters have been used in mythology throughout human history and across several cultures as an catalyst of change.

A Trickster may entertain and cause us laughter, but with that entertainment comes a price; hard truths we may not wish to face or accept. By tempering conflict and provocation with entertainment, the Trickster destroys our well-established world while creating a new, unfamiliar one. Change is constant, but most of us resist and cling to what's comfortable and familiar even though it no longer serves our purposes. The appearance of a Trickster can be viewed as either positive or negative depending on how attached we are to our established illusion of the world.

When you draw the Joker in the Pleiadian Deck of Cards, watch in awe as your entire hand changes before your eyes. Are you holding a winning hand in a high stakes Poker game? Are you on your last bet after a long night of losing at the Black Jack table? Expect nothing. When the Joker shows up, everything changes. When you thought you were winning, you were really losing...when you thought you were losing, you were really winning. How very entertaining! Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper.

Jeff Polage Takes On Carrot Top

You asked for it. I've been in Los Angeles all week with my camera, my laptop and my actor pal Jeff Polage. He's getting more work these days and even made an appearance in Iron Man. Sure, he only appears on screen for two seconds, but it's clear he's giving Robert Downey Jr. a run for his money.

In order to achieve the full Carrot Top effect as shown above, we used a ratty old wig, cheap eyeliner and scotch tape to pull Jeff's eyebrows skyward.

We've got another photo shoot scheduled today and our props include a blonde wig, a hot pink bikini, and a couple of cantaloupes. Can you guess who our victim might be?